WHERE I AM AT 34

They say good friends are like stars. You don't always see them, but you know they are there. I'm lucky that I have many shining stars around me. They are there during my good and bad time. They don't just lend me their listening ears. They offer their helping hands when I need. I wonder “what have I done in my previous life that I have many guardian angels with me in this life.” They are like my brothers and sisters. Some I know for more than ten years, others I meet less than a year but feel like we already knew each other for a long time. I’ll probably have more bridesmaids than I need by the time I decide to be a bride. I'm not complaining. It's a happy problem to have.



Every girl loves being a princess on her wedding day. Some take a longer time to find their true love story than others. I’m very good at managing other parts of my life (Work, Health, Family), Love is the only thing that makes me feel out of control. I lost count how many times in the past 16 years (since I started dating), I looked up at the sky and wondered: "Where and who is my Prince Charming? Why it’s so hard to meet him?". Every time I fell in love, I had my heart broken over and over again. After so many heartbreaks and lessons, I learned that Love is not just a feeling. It's not just a word. It's not about the number of expensive presents a guy gives you. It's a choice, a commitment, and an action. We chose to love someone and accept them for who they are, including their flaws. Loving someone means we'll do everything we can to make the other person happy. We are inspired to be a better version of ourselves. We are willing to stay with them during the tough times and be their best supporter. In one of my love stories, I came to realize that loving someone also means letting them go and wishing them all the happiness whether you are a part of it. They say “God knows when you are ready for a marriage, he'll send the right man to you at the right time.” Apparently, I wasn't ready.


I wanted to get married at the age of 25. It didn't happen. I set my marriage goal at 27 years old. Again, I broke up. The same thing happened when I was 29 and 30 years old. All these years, I asked myself "Why do I want to get married?". The answers were: I want to get married because I'm getting old; My parents want me to get married; I need to find stability and security, and the list goes on". None of the answers was "I want to spend the rest of my life with him." Not that I didn't have a feeling for any of my ex-boyfriends at that time, I just had too many doubts and fear in my head. I didn't feel "right" like what everyone kept telling me "You'll know it if he is the right one."  So I walked away before things got worse and wanted to focus on loving myself first before I can love someone else.



Now,  I still don’t know if and when I will get married, but I no longer have the pressure of "I'm getting old" or "My parents want me to get married." I'm self-sufficient and enjoying my single life to its fullest. I love myself and I'm content with what I have. I don't need a man to give me financial stability. I'm not looking for a man to bring me happiness because I'm already happy. When I think of getting married to someone, I think of how much I want to share my positivity, joy, and my life with that person. Life is not always sunshine and butterflies. I won't mind going through storms with that person as long as he respects, trusts, and loves me as his life partner. A great relationship requires hard work, open communications, honesty, and a whole lot of bedtime activities. I get that.